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First came this news article..
TNB to sue WWF over Earth Hour
KUALA LUMPUR — Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB), Malaysia’s premier energy provider today announced that they were taking legal action against the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) for organising the Earth Hour, a global movement that makes a stand against climate change by turning off all non-essential lights and electrical equipment for an hour every year.
In a Press conference, TNB president and CEO Dato’ Sri Che Khalib Mohd Noh said that the annual worldwide symbolic gesture, which this year would be observed this Saturday at 8.30pm, is nothing more than an ‘arrogant and thoughtless viral movement’ aimed to hurt power companies such as TNB.
“Obviously these green-minded fellows think they’re really cute, organising such an irresponsible campaign,” said Che Khalib angrily. “They say ‘turn off your lights for an hour’ and people do. I bet that really makes them feel all powerful.
“What these western colonialists fail to grasp is how such drastic action affects the poor companies like us. One hour of unused electricity means an hour of wastage for TNB. Did you know that last year’s Earth Hour costed us millions in unrealised revenue?” asked Che Khalib, seething.
“How do you think that affected our production? We couldn’t exactly turn off our power plants just because a large number of Malaysians turn off their lights at the same time. So imagine all that wasted energy.
“This year, we expect even more people to fall for this global con-job,” added Che Khalib. “So there’ll be more lights turned off. KL alone would be engulfed in darkness. Yes, sure, it may seem fun to some, running around in complete darkness. But that also means TNB would get less money. Tell me, what am I supposed to say to the kids of this electrical technician when we can’t give bonus this year?” asked Che Khalib, as he pointed to a TNB staff manning the lights for the Press conference.
He added, “In light of such inconsiderate actions by these tree huggers, TNB has no choice but to take legal action against the Earth Hour organisers, WWF. We’ll wait for our accountants to come back with the loss figure after this year’s Earth Hour, and we plan to sue them for that same amount. We may even add a hundred million ringgit or so, to teach them a lesson.”
Che Khalib also reminded Malaysians to ignore the Earth Hour, calling it a ‘cultural invasion, a concerted assault by extreme liberal forces aimed to destabilise poorer nations’.
“We are Malaysians, and we should be proud of our lights. Every night we should go out and see the beautiful sparkling lights in our city skylines. Don’t be ashamed of the lights,” said Che Khalib, as he unveiled a set of pictures showing the Petronas Twin Towers and the surrounding buildings consequently going dark during last year’s Earth Hour.
“See this? See how ugly, gloomy and dark the last picture is? God knows how many people tripped over things and hurt themselves in the complete darkness, not to mention the number of bad people going around doing naughty things, knowing the authorities could not see them.
“Let’s reverse the order of these pictures this year, and fight for the rights to our lights,” continued Che Khalib. “Let’s unite as 1Malaysia, and tell these green terrorists that we will not go dark! We will not switch off! Let’s tell them that we love our lights!
“POWERRR… EXTREME!” he screamed, as powerful clusters of foglamps flooded the conference room with ultra-bright and hot light, temporarily blinding everyone present, and signalling the end of the Press conference.
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Then, came this one:
Nose4news editor Hassan Skodeng says sorry for sounding real
KUALA LUMPUR — The editor of Nose4News has apologised to TNB president and CEO, Dato’ Sri Che Khalib Mohd Noh, the staff and stakeholders of Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB), along with Nose4News readers and Malaysians in general for making his fake news sound too real.
In a statement read by his lawyer cum occasional punching bag, Leman Keding, Hassan said that he was sorry to have caused such ruckus, and that he didn’t mean to make anyone believe his extraordinarily stinky crap.
“I have been rather naughty, I have to admit,” said Hassan. “In coming up with this rotten piece of doo-doo, I had probably used too many realistic elements, and not concocting enough bullshit to keep the fake news sound fake-ish. Perhaps I should have referred to the TNB president and CEO by his actual alien name, Klathoxx-513, instead of the name he uses on Earth and one he is most known by.
“I formally apologise to Che Khalib, his staff and their family members for this irresponsible writing. TNB is a fine organisation, and every member of TNB works selflessly to keep the nation supplied with electricity.
“To all Malaysians, I also apologise for sounding like I was telling the truth. I wish to clarify that TNB is NOT suing the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF), or anyone, for that matter, for organising the Earth Hour. In fact, TNB fully supports the Earth Hour global project, and any effort to conserve energy.”
Hassan also implores all Nose4news readers to stop believing his lies, no matter how true they sound.
“Apparently all the warnings I placed all over Nose4News that everything on this site is pure fiction, true lies, pure horsecrap and has nothing to do with anybody alive, dead, undead and unalive, are not sufficient to keep everyone disbelieving my bullshit. For that, I am truly sorry.
“I also would like to take this opportunity to further clarify on my previous writings,” continued Hassan regretfully.
“Sabah and Sarawak will NOT be relocated to the peninsular at a cost of RM850 trillion. The world does not have that kind of money.
“Bill Gates did NOT patent the word ‘Fuck’, so everyone may continue using the term without fear of being billed by Microsoft.
“Ultraman did NOT kill an endangered giant crocodile. As far as I know, Ultraman has not killed any benevolent creature, by accident or on purpose. He is a responsible and caring gigantic superhero. Love him to bits.
“Malaysia did NOT enlist Voltron or any other giant robot to help tackle the economic crisis, and the country is also NOT planning to triple the Scenic Bridge.
“And lastly, Asia’s Biggest Loser champion David Gurnani has NOT lost all his weight. Mr Gurnani is still very much not weightless, even if he looks like he is.
“As you can see above, my lies sound very credible. It’s almost like I work at CNN or something. I’m such a bastard.”
Hassan promises to not sound too real in his future articles, and will include bolder and clearer warnings so that his fictional creations will no longer be believed by anyone with a reasonable amount of sensibility and even half-an-ounce of intelligence.
“Again, I’m sorry. I swear, on the name of my mother’s cousin’s uncle-twice-removed, the next time I write, I’ll make it obvious that I’m only bullshitting. And that, is the truth. Really.”
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And both are by the same writer.
Get what I mean?
Hahaha!
You did very well,
Hassan!
both articles are really funnily hilarious! lololl..
Bravo to
Nose4news! best blog evar!
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